Usain’s first gold
The gunshot rang through the air, and the athletes tore into the distance, Richard Thompson leading the pack with his signature start. Usain Bolt trailing Richard Thompson, is searching frantically for his partner, Afasa Powell, with little to no success.
Stretching out, Usain attempts to make up lost time, but through his advances he stumbles, drifting to the right. With a quick recovery Usain burst back up to speed, trailing Rchard Thompson's heels. With Richard Thompson in the lead, Usain inching closer, and all the other competitors left in the dust.
Fully extending his legs, Usain breaks past Thompson, and enters the lead, with no Powell in sight. Usain glaces behind him several times before it truly clicks. 10 meters from the finish line Usain realises his placing in the pack and throw his arm up in victory. Usain Bolt has won his first olympic gold medal, and placed 1st in the 100 metre race.
The autobiography starts off with a onomatopoeia in order to catch the readers eyes, and push
them to continue. From there it transpires into a first hand account of Usain’s first gold medal, this is told in first person form giving the reader insight intoUsain’s thought and opinions. According to the text “I’ve talked garbage..” the author uses very informal language which creates a feeling of connection between the reader and Usain bolt. Considering the authors target audience would be Usain Bolt’s fan base, then this feeling of connection is likely to already be established, making his previous statement become stronger. Usain uses another onomatopoeia to transition topics from his inner thoughts at every race, to his first gold 100 metre race. When describing his inner monologue he separates them into individual paragraphs in between the description of his position in the race and those around him. He creates a mood of panic and stress in the 3rd paragraph, he accomplishes this by showing his inner monologue, highlighting his inability to see his position, and makes he athlete ahead, Richard Thompson, seem more experienced and the likely winner. The main ‘idea’ or aspect of this autobiography is about perseverance, he displays this by according to the text “Get through your drive phase..” and “chill, chill, chill.” this shows his own self talk and motivation. The author also makes excellent use of sentence structure by using short sentences like “And then there was me..” helps draw out the speed of the text, and slow down that specific moment in the race, raising the stakes and the intensity of the text. He also makes another connection by saying “Where the hell..” this create a connection because the average person who is in the situation would also likely use the same lexical choices. The autobiography starts out relatively calm, and picks up speed quickly, with the stakes and the adrenaline racing until the climax in line 40. Usain’s inner monologue determined the pace throughout the autobiography. The readers are also able to see a mirror effect within the first and last paragraphs, because in the first paragraph Usain far from low on confidence, and after his first gold the same is shown in the last paragraph. According to the text “I pounded my chest because I knew that nobody was going to catch me.” A similar quote from the first paragraph is “or whether someone behind is doing something stupid” these also help bring Usain back down to a more human perspective, rather than that of someone in the limelight. While Usain’s target audience was his fanbase, a large portion of that fan base is likely to also be jamaican, making his use of the slang term ‘bredder’ bringing the sense of family and connection back into play.
For question 1(a), I would give the writer 5 marks for AO1. The writer was detailed and understood the context well. When writing the author drew in the audience and readers by using very good detailed words. For AO3, I would give this 5 marks. The content is very detailed and made me feel like I was there.
ReplyDeleteFor question 1(b), this would receive a 3. It could be organized and structured better. The question for 1(b) was to compare the writing but I don’t see much writing of your own. Overall it was good. I liked how you talked about onomatopoeia and that it catches audiences attention. For AO3, I would give it 7 marks. You talked about Usain’s language usage and structure in his writing, as well as his inner monologue and different perspectives between the audience and Usain.
Overall this is rated 20/25 marks
Hi Isabella,
ReplyDeleteFor 1. a) AO1 I would give you 4 marks. I think you did a great job keeping a straight neutral view over the whole event. You showed a very detailed understanding of the text. You discussed all of Bolt’s actions as he took the lead and won the race. You also showed an effective reference to characteristic features like when Bolt realized he was winning and started to celebrate. For AO2 I would also give you 4 marks. You did a great job expressing the text and keeping on track with the audience. You went through the race in chronological order and made sure to describe the main actions of Usain.
For 1. b) AO1 I would give you 4 marks. Just like in question a, you had a detailed understanding of the text and talked about how little things like “and then there was me” slowed down the whole pace of the text. You had an effective reference to characteristic features like when talking about Usain’s sense of panic when looking around. For AO3 I would give you 6 marks. You did a great job explaining Usain’s word choices and provided a detailed analysis of it. You talked about how the use of “bredder” made the autobiography appeal more to his audience. What weighed you down was that you didn’t really compare the autobiography’s form, structure, and language to your newspaper report.
Part “a” question one: I really liked the language that you used to describe the race especially in the first sentence because I felt that it was powerful, “The gunshot rang through the air, and the athletes tore into the distance.” I also liked that you gave a clear description of what occurred at the race. I would give you a three for both AO1 and AO2
ReplyDeletePart “b” question one: I really liked how you analyzed the text and the start of Bolt’s extract. And I thought that you had a very well-written analysis of Usain’s text that went into great detail about what he wrote and why he wrote it. I also thought that you showed a clear evaluation of the form and structure that both you and Usain used in your excerpts.